Allow me to share with you a truth that every young person in their lifetime will know: depression is a bitch. It ain’t no joke. The worst part about it is that it’s like being in an abusive relationship. You never notice that your happiness is fake until you stop trying to fight it. You try to be grateful, but the more your living situation or your mental state disintegrates, the more everything feels fake. The more you feel like things aren’t meant to work out in a streamlined manner like everyone said. And when you think you are about to be at your best, the world knocks you down again with glee.
Then, you constantly feel like you are not worth the positivity, your dreams, love, life. Why? You can’t do anything right, your feelings don’t matter in the real world, you are a weirdo if you try and stand above everyone’s set plan for your life, and you don’t belong in this world, if you succeed. Right when you have figured out that the reality that the world has drawn out for you doesn’t work for everybody, your depression goes to great lengths to prove you wrong. As long as you don’t care and that the fight within you doesn’t exist, the gaslighting will work. You WILL believe you are useless, you are strange, nothing will happen for you and that a person like you doesn’t deserve to walk this earth. It will convince you that everyone who surrounds you believes the exact same thing, when the truth is that it’s not the case. There’s no love involved, no light, no peace, not a friend can help you out of a place they can’t follow you through. It’s just a big bag of absolutely nothing. Even that feels lobotomized. Depression is a bitch, and the worst part is that you will never be able to forget her, even when you have finally made it to a happier and more stable relationship with life.
In the liner notes posted below the release, HD in 360 will show how well he knows this and uses This Reality is Thinly Established as a way to try and exorcise those feelings, if not the memories of how depression makes people feel. It’s less an album of music, and more of an avant-garde experience into the ever dissonant mindstate of someone going through depression. The opener “March Onward, Lost Soul” is an abstract portrayal of being sucked into the ever rocky rabbithole before being greeted with negativity that tries to tear you down. But at the same time, the second half also feel like a war cry. Rather this intro is perfect because it highlights that depression is the msot noticeable when it has gotten all kinds of intense to the point where you feel closer to death just trying. Hence, the pulsating and smoky “Stripped of Self”.
The key to what makes this album work is tension. Where there is depression, there is a nervous, if not angry, tension that burst out of you and forms. Nobody ever tells you that as you are depressed and you feel like the world doesn’t love you, you eventually start to develop anger at the world. At everyone and everything, and you start to lost your trust in them…and the world will have absolutely no clue why.
Without giving too much away, This Reality is the sound of one man painting the world a picture of what it really sounds like to be depressed, regardless of the level in which you are. There is nothing harmonic, nothing stable, no color to be seen, just a vortex in which your whole being fights against a deep, deep void. And you will be spending your whole entire experience demanding that a positive light cracks somewhere at some time. But if you are lucky, this moment-in-time will make you feel more powerful for having survived. The ending “Alive Among Demons/Tomorrow is Your Time” may feel less triumphant than the title will have you believe, but apparently, you can’t have your victory all at once. You have got to start the healing process somewhere.
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