Interviews // Courtney Dixon (Depression is a Beast)

Harmony Witte: I watched Depression is a Beast this morning and I absolutely loved it. Congratulations on getting it into Tribeca Film Festival!

Courtney Dixon: Thank you so much. It’s so exciting. I’m really excited!

Harmony Witte. Are you doing other film festivals too, or just this one?

Courtney Dixon: This one is our first kind of kickoff. We kind of had a late start to festival submission, so this will be our world premiere and then we’ll see where we go from here.

Harmony Witte: I think my big question is, how do you condense a topic as complicated as depression into an eleven-minute short?

Courtney Dixon: That’s a great question. I struggled with that, actually, because when I first was coming up with this idea, it really came from a place– I actually went through pretty severe postpartum depression. And so I was in this sleepy state, I had read this article from the New York Times that talked about how horror films can be therapeutic. And it just, that kind of just blew my mind. I had never looked at it from that perspective. I was just immediately thinking, okay, what if a horror film kind of made a PSA on depression? What would that look like? And then I kind of started researching depression. Depression can sound like a blanket statement, right? You can have so many symptoms that seem simple on paper, but individually, they can have huge impacts on our life in very different ways. And then it became about whose story is this? And then how do I kind of make depression relatable through someone’s specific story? I knew I wanted to find someone in the horror film industry. After lots of searching I came across Jenna Kanell who is amazing and willing to do this with us. And so, it was just about kind of then how do I make her topics relevant to everybody? And then, how can we all relate to these symptoms?

Harmony Witte: I was going to ask how you found Jenna.   

Courtney Dixon: That’s actually so funny because I do a lot of documentaries, and so I’ll have to find people with these of maybe obscure kind of illnesses or whatever they may be. I would usually –my Instagram has always been my go-to. So, I’ll search tags and I’ll kind of start to search what I’m looking for. In this case, I was looking for depression or whatever it was along those lines. And I actually was searching so much, so many tags that Instagram popped up a message and said, “Are you okay?” I thought that was pretty cool that Instagram had that feature. I was like, “Oh, my gosh!” And so then I couldn’t find anyone looking that way. So I actually have a friend that is a director of horror films, and I was like, why didn’t I just start there? And so I emailed him and he put me in touch with Jenna. It was really great to have found her.

Harmony Witte: It’s nice to know that Instagram cares.

Courtney Dixon: Yeah, right?

Harmony Witte: I struggle with bipolar disorder so I live in the state of depression most of the time. I had postpartum depression after a miscarriage with psychosis, which I didn’t even know was a thing that existed until I started experiencing it. That truly was like living in a horror film. I was wondering what gave you the idea to look at depression through the lens of horror?

Courtney Dixon: When I was researching, when that article came across and people, it was saying people find it therapeutic because you’re almost transferring your feelings to the person in the film. Wondering is this person going to survive or whatever? So all of your anxiety and depression can be focused on the film. I just loved that idea. And then when I started researching depression even further, which is kind of why I had a nod to the Twilight Zone in the film with, the history of it. Because this stigma around depression is not new, clearly. It’s just been, its treatment is not new, and it’s somewhat barbaric. And it’s just always been this thing that people just have misunderstood. I loved it. Everything around depression just kind of lent itself to the horror film genre. And then even Jenna has a great line in the film where she talks about depression being a monster for her, and it’s always going to live with her, but now she’s not going to–she’s like “you can hang out in the room with me, but you can’t sit in my lap anymore.” I love that sentiment.

Harmony Witte: What I love about this is that it isn’t just a straight documentary with just an interview, but there’s so much in it. There’s so much visually to it. It’s a work of art itself. And I’m curious, how many other short films have you done before?

Courtney Dixon: Oh, you’re so sweet. I have probably about ten or eleven now at this point. That’s kind of what I love about documentary I don’t see myself as a journalist. I see myself as a narrative filmmaker who puts that onto documentaries. Real people. I love when real people get to be the badass of their own stories. And I’ve seen so many people, whether it’s some form of disability or the outliers or whatever it may be, who are just making big changes and who are advocates of whatever the cause may be. It’s humbling to watch that. I want to make a really cool visual platform for them to share their story. So that’s where it starts.

Harmony Witte: So do you often get people who see your film wanting to share their experiences with depression the way I did?

Courtney Dixon: Actually, yeah. And I love that and Jenna, what really started this conversation with Jenna is she said that she has so many fans when she goes to these conferences that come up to her, and they’re like,” you won’t believe how in the thick of depression I was and your films helped me” or whatever. And I just think that that’s amazing. I feel that’s what this is about. It’s about the more we share our stories with depression and just are open and honest and just be like, “this is my journey, and that’s okay.“ The more we share, the less stigma it can be. I feel like, because it’s about fighting that stigma, especially now with Instagram and social media, depression’s not going to go away. And for women, for us, we’re having to fight that on a daily basis. So I just feel like it’s just, how do we fight the stigma? Share our stories.

Harmony Witte: Yeah, I feel like that’s really important. That discussion is so important. And I love that Jenna was willing to be so vulnerable about it.

Courtney Dixon: Exactly. She was. Honestly, I’m just, like, so impressed with her. There was nothing like when I would ask these questions, even in pre interviews, I always go about it with a little bit of trepidation because you don’t want to say something to offend someone or you don’t want them to feel like they’re over sharing or whatever. And she was, from the beginning, was like “ask me anything. If I don’t feel comfortable talking about it, I won’t. But if I do, I’m going to go all the way.” She really, truly did. She shared so much and so much I couldn’t even include in the film. She was just such a great interview, for sure.

Harmony Witte: Nice. How did you end up as a director?

Courtney Dixon: You know, it’s funny. I started in commercials. I went to film school and I started in commercials, and I ended up getting, this is gonna definitely date me–but I ended up getting my first job off of Craigslist, and it was a documentary for a company, and I fell in love with documentary, you just don’t know what’s going to happen. You can have these grand ideas, and it’d be this cool thing, and then you get up and shoot and you lose your gear on the flight or whatever, and you’re just kind of working with the atmosphere, and it’s such an adrenaline rush that I knew I was gonna stay in documentaries. So that’s when I just started to really hone in on what am I going to do in the doc space to make it me.

Harmony Witte: Here’s something I like to ask all creatives when I’m doing interviews, because I have a theory that I’m working on that most creatives struggle with some sort of imposter syndrome. Is that something that you have to fight through, or does confidence come naturally?

Courtney Dixon: Yes, I have Imposter syndrome, for me, it can be debilitating. And I truly mean that because especially like you said, as creatives, there’s always this–you’re always comparing. In my industry, too, when I’m doing especially, I’m pitching for a commercial or whatever it may be, I’m always going up against three directors, and then they’re giving you the links to these other directors, and you’re like, “Oh, wow. Well, she does it so good. He does it like that. They are, they’re so amazing!” How do you, how do you focus with all of that noise? It’s literally like you just have to kind of put on blinders sometimes, and it gets to the best. It always, you know, it gets the best of me, for sure, but putting on blinders constantly.

Harmony Witte: Yeah, no, I feel you. I struggle with imposter syndrome, like I said. And every time I have an interview to do, it’s something that I have to work past. Like, “I can’t possibly interview this person. Who am I to do this?” Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

No way. Yeah. It’s just we have to get out of our heads because that’s it. I just started doing interviews, you’re my second interview and I’m just like, “Oh, wow. So scary!”

Well, thank you for sitting down with me. I’ve got one more question. And that is, are you working on any new projects that you can tell us about?

Courtney Dixon: So I’m actually in post-production. I think immigration rights are a big thing. It’s something that I’m really passionate about. I’ve been working with a story about a guy, I don’t want to give away too much, but Manolo’s bakery of North Carolina, he’s just doing some amazing things in the community, and I am very excited to share his story. So that’s what’s going to be coming out. Hopefully this year we’re in post, and so we’ll see where. It’s a short doc again.

Harmony WItte: Is there a place where I can see your other work?

Courtney Dixon: Yeah@courtneydixon.com. Is where a lot of my previous shorts are.