Rants // Back Then They Didn’t Want Me

Back then they didn’t want me, now I’m hot they’re all on me

These days I can relate to Mike Jones more than ever. I feel like a true star, since women follow me wherever I go online – Facebook, Twitter, Kik and on and on and on. It never ends.

They see that I’m a star, now they wanna sit in my car
Now they wanna count my cheese, smoke my weed and sip my barre now
They used to love to me diss me, now they rush to hug and kiss me now
They tellin’ all they friends when I leave how they miss me now
(281) 330-8004

Some of them offer friendship, others repeatedly ask how my day is going (very good idea, thank you) and yet others simply follow me on Twitter without explaining the reasoning. Maybe they’re shy and don’t want to talk about it just yet.

With all this humongous female following online blowing up in my face lately I started pondering how I got to this point in the first place. One party responsible might be American tech companies – I know they’ll walk an extra mile in order to make me feel like a true star whenever I’ll ask.

The other culprit behind my success might be Nigeria and Yahoo Boys. What’s Yahoo Boys, you might ask? Why, that is a group of young men who are equally invested into making rock stars out of Americans by showering them with affection. Perhaps not at all surprising given how war-torn and corrupt their country of origin is, but disturbing nonetheless.

Here’s Atavist Mag chiming in

Natasha Bridges blanketed the Facebook inboxes of men she didn’t know with the simplest of greetings:

hi 
hi
hi                            

Plenty of the men never replied to Natasha, but it was striking how many did. Even more striking was how quickly some of them seemed to fall for her.

Can you love an older man?

So wrote a guy named James* after just a few hours of messaging. James said that he was 56 and rode a Harley. After sending Natasha pictures of his bike, James told her, unprompted, how he would perform oral sex on her.

*Unless otherwise noted, the names of scam victims have been changed.

Other men were starry-eyed. They told Natasha that she was gorgeous, that they liked her smile and her flirtatious way of chatting, that they couldn’t wait to meet her one day. There were also sentimental types, like Brett:

I don’t know if I’ll ever be truly happy again. I think the only dream I have is if I had a special woman with me.

You know I mentioned it a couple of days ago, but I haven’t seen you for a very long time. Would you please send me a few of your pictures? I would really like to see you.

Natasha had yet to respond to Brett’s latest lovelorn message. Her silence would have been callous if she was who she said she was. But given the truth—that Natasha Bridges didn’t exist—the real cruelty might have been replying.

Shock, horror. Natasha Bridges doesn’t exist. And neither do all the women that been chasing me on social media over the last year or so. My large female following proved to be an illusion! Fame is there one day and then “poof!” – and its gone like that.

One thing that Mike Jones forgot to talk about in his song is that one –  after all the fame and fortune usually comes a slump. Women disappear and usually the money follow. Its important not to let it all go to your head – because the cycle just might repeat itself. Either way, thank you for your service, Mike Jones – you might’ve been ahead of many with your observations on fame and riches.